Being autistic means i.a. that I'm much more sensible to emotions. Good ones, but also bad ones. How hard I try to keep on smiling and to laugh at the problems we're still facing, I can't hide my innermost feelings any longer. Tears are rolling off my cheeks nearly every day now. In spite of the good news I received about my book and our house being habitable now.
Financially we're still in a lot of trouble and also Danilo decided he'd be his old stupid self and went to court to ask another €13.000,- from us. Even though he messed up completely, "forgot" to order the seismic study and to ask for a building permit and last but not least forged Christine's signature on an official document to make it seem like he did his job. So that's courtcase number two.
Courtcase number three is also well on its way. We bought a beautiful cooker through eBay and at a very sharp price too. Unfortunately, the lady of the eBay shop also messed up and had the cooker sent to my address of residence (still in Belgium at the time) in stead of my primary shipping address (in Italy of course). The discussion is already going on for over a month because she doesn't want to admit that she made a mistake. "I sent it to the address as mentioned in eBay", by which she means "residence" in stead of "shipping". And then she says it's all my fault and that I have to sort things out myself. Three courtcases in three months... I had imagined things a bit differently...
I also fell out with a hunter who came barging through our land with his dogs, regardless if it is a private property or not. I've put "no entry" signs everywhere but that didn't seem to bother him. He even warned me that if I tried to stop his dogs one more time... I asked: "Is that a threat?" "No", he replied "but I'd see what would happen otherwise".
Then, last week there was a terrible tragedy in the family about which I will not elaborate here.
And so on and so on...
I'm feeling empty... chased by dark shadows which have come to haunt me. I can't find any peace anywhere because they always know where I'm hiding. At times I take a seat on our terrace and try to enjoy the warm sunshine. To no avail. My heart keeps beating restlessly. The pain is throbbing in my chest. The slightests of sounds blasts through my ears even harder than usual. Do you remember when you were really startled once? That's how I'm feeling all of the time now. As if my poor old heart could give up any minute. No... please... leave me alone!!! All I want is just sit here quietly on my terrace and be left in peace. Why is that so difficult?
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